Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Celebrating Who I Am Today~Rebooting My Hard Drive

My Louise Hay calendar with daily positive affirmations keeps me focused on what is truly necessary to maintaining my sense of peace and serenity - a focus on celebrating my gifts, who I am and how I deserve to live. These words of encouragement remind me every day that I am worthy of love, success, happiness, abundance and pure joy.

Living an abundant life for those of us fortunate enough to live in a free society is possible for all. Most of us are not born into affluence with an entry card to the best schools, clubs, teams, organizations or jobs. But having that card does not convey the gift of happiness. That comes from within, from celebrating blessings - no matter what they are.

The first 45 years of my life I was afraid. I was afraid to be wrong, afraid to fail, afraid to succeed, afraid to make the wrong decision, afraid to be alone, afraid to admit weakness, afraid to take risks, afraid to be who I am. I wanted to be successful, affluent, fit in, dress fashionably, be part of the right crowd, feel loved, be needed, and be admired. I could not accept just being me. I'd developed a false sense of entitlement and believed the world owed me what it did not.  It led me to some irrational, unfortunate, misguided, inept, wrongheaded decisions. Fortunately, I've learned that those choices that I made gave me the tools I needed to heal and ultimately make healthy decisions about my life. 

I've learned that all of the choices I made brought me to the place I am today. So I have no regrets. If it is possible to reach a Nirvana in this life, I am there. I learned from many of my mistakes. I've learned to appreciate the people that I've met on this road of life who have taught me valuable lessons of kindness, compassion, acceptance, spirituality, self-awareness, love and beauty. I've learned that I must accept the people I love as they are and not try to change them.  I've learned to refrain from giving advice, that everybody I meet has something to offer, that I am blessed beyond anything I could have imagined 12 years ago, and that I deserve love, happiness, joy, success in my career, loving friendships, good health, a loving & attentive life partner, and pure unadulterated joy. 

It was necessary to reboot my hard drive (brain), rethink my path, re-imagine where I wanted to go, and ask the universe to provide what I wanted and needed to life fully. I used the abundant resources available  to help me. For me that meant the books of Doreen Virtue and Louise Hay, the loving & un-judgmental friends I met through the Al-Anon 12 step program, a bit of therapy, some pharmaceuticals,  the earth angels that crossed my path, and the spirituality I found in practicing yoga. This was a years long process that required self examination, a searching and fearless moral inventory of my life, a decision to let go of resentments or regrets or self recriminations, embracing the possible, and making the decision to life a life focused on positivity, possibility, self awareness and the understanding that my own attitude can make a profound difference. It works. I've let go of negativity and embraced positivity and wellness. 

There are stressors everyday. I cannot escape loss, sadness, pain, anxiety, fear, uncertainty or frustration because I am human and life pitches curve balls. But I accept that I must accept life on life's terms, understand that I cannot control outcomes, and tell the people I love that I love them and treasure them while I can. 

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