Thursday, April 11, 2013

Don’t Settle for the Wrong Relationship Out of Fear


Don’t Settle for the Wrong Relationship Out of Fear

One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned if not the most valuable lesson is that I deserve to have a fulfilling life and relationship with a partner. Absent that, I am better off alone.  Life is too short to spend hours, days, weeks, months or years unhappy. 

I have many friends, both men and women, who stay in miserable, unhappy, dangerous, or boring marriages or relationship out of fear. I’ve done that myself. My first marriage lasted longer than was healthy because I feared disappointing my family, my religious background, society and myself. I didn’t want to be a failure. I was afraid of the financial implications. I feared the unknown. It wasn’t until I was at a place where staying was more painful than going that I had the courage to change.  Of course, as an aficionado at that time of dysfunctional relationships, I jumped right back into the fire rather than risk living alone. It took me several more years of additional pain, work in Al Anon on myself, and a journey of self discovery to understand that my higher power wants me to be happy and fulfilled.  Once I came to appreciate that I could be that happy, fulfilled person living a life of peace and serenity within myself, not dependent upon the opinions of others or needed a partner to validate me, I was free to accept love and a healthy relationship.

After I became emotionally healthy, and identified what was important to me, and decided that I would accept nothing less, and put that information out into the Universe, it came to me. This is the power of positive thinking. I’ve learned to focus on my gratitude for an abundant life and I live an abundant life.

The ability to live likewise is within each of us.  Whenever I start to lose faith in my path, I recite The Serenity Prayer. 

            God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
            the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know
            the difference.

If I am unhappy, I can either change my attitude or change my path. Sometimes, I had to decide to change my attitude and my path.  I spent decades fearing change only to ultimately discover it set me free.  Celebrate the gift of life and take that chance on happiness and fulfillment.

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