Friday, January 4, 2013

Dealing with Melancholy

Dealing with Melancholy

While I do strive to meet the dawn of a new year with nothing but optimism, I occasionally must face a certain degree of melancholy because things that I have counted upon in the prior year are no longer available to me.

In an ideal world I would embrace the changes and move forward with the knowledge that whatever my higher power has in store for me is what I need to face and where I need to be. But, as a humanoid I want a semblance of continuity.

There is something comforting in predictability, the measure of solace in knowing I have some place I can be on a particular day and time for healing.  But life isn’t like that. Things change. My work requires that I drive 600 miles round trip for a settlement conference that I know will be fruitless.  The schedule for a yoga class changes so I have to readjust my expectations for seeking peace in the Universe. My Al Anon meetings conflict with a much needed hair appointment. Life throws me knuckle balls when I’ve been looking for a fastball or a curve ball. I know I should expect the unexpected, but I’m thrown off kilter when in actuality I am faced with the unexpected. I want a smooth path.

So, I am faced with changes in the New Year that I do not want to embrace. I know that accepting what is will benefit me more than fighting; however, there is something within me that wants to scream for an appreciation of what I believe is right and just. But alas, I must concede it is not all about me. I must make concessions or change my path. I am torn.  And in my dealing with the unrest, I am filled with melancholy. Maybe I should just sip another glass of wine and eat a cookie.

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