Sunday, September 20, 2015

What Advice Would You Share With Young Newlyweds?

My niece is getting married in three weeks and as part of a shower gift we’ve all been asked to write a bit of sage advice for the bride & groom. I generally avoid giving advice. My experience with offering advice has not always turned out so well.  But I can share my experience, strength and hope, the hard lessons I’ve learned over the years including one ill-fated marriage and a debacle of a rebound relationship.

1)   Make a list of all of the characteristics that you love, appreciate or like about your partner.  Keep it in your wallet. Pull it out and read it periodically to remind yourself why you are together.
2)   Express gratitude every morning when you get out of bed that the Universe has brought you together.
3)   Say “I Love You” everyday.
4)   Tell your partner how much you appreciate him / her regularly.
5)   Be Kind.
6)   Continue to have “dates”.
7)   Do NOT TRY TO CHANGE YOUR PARTNER! Accept him/her as they are.  Review the list!
8)   There will be bad days, arguments, tears, frustration, ups & downs – it is not a deal breaker unless there is violence, addiction or criminal activity. Get over it.
9)   Don’t fight over money. There is always enough.
10)                  After you have children, remember that your partner is still the most important person in your life.
11)                  You will not like all of your partner’s friends. That is okay. Just don’t remind them of it repeatedly.
12)                  Compromise. Don’t sweat the little things.
13)                  Do not lie.
14)                  Apologize when you are wrong. And we are all wrong on occasion.
15)                  Give one another time to spend doing “guy stuff” or “girl stuff”.  Sometimes an evening or a weekend alone is wonderful.
16)                  Everybody has challenging family members. We don’t have to like them all but we do have to accept them or tolerate them with a smile.
17)                  Do not get personal in an argument.
18)                  Do not fight by text. If something hateful is put into writing, it is much harder to forget it.
19)                  Sex gets better as you get older. Trust me on this one!
20)                  Each of you should have some money for personal use – shoes, lunch or, a golf game, whatever.
21)                  Laugh often.

22)                   Never go to bed mad at each other.
23)                  Appreciate that your partner has different interests than you do. Celebrate your differences.
24)                  Learn new things.
25)                  TRUST each other.

What pearls or wisdom would you share?

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