Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Avoiding the Blame Game

Avoiding the Blame Game

It is difficult to take the high road and avoid playing the blame game with the issues involving my niece. My initial reaction was to blame her parents for the troubles she’s experiencing. They’ve bred resentment in her because her brother has been the favored child, aka “the prince”. From babyhood the mention of his name melted his mother’s heart. He was awarded a scholarship to a private academy because of his athletic ability. So that he would “fit in” his parents bought him expensive clothes, pandered to his whims and ensured that he was afforded every opportunity to succeed.

Alternatively, my niece was sent to public schools until she rebelled and they agreed to home school her in lieu of sending her to a private high school as well. But, she received little guidance and was separated from her friends. While my nephew was provided with Lacoste polo shirts my niece settled for Kohl's and the occasional splurge at Abercrombie. There was equity, of course, because she had a TV in her room.

When her mother was having surgery for an undiagnosed condition, her brother received up to 5 calls per day from her dad. She received none.

But, the inequity of her childhood and teen years does not excuse her behavior. She has been given the tools to know right from wrong. She has received love and support. Her grandparents and aunt have tried to compensate by providing additional nourishing. But we may have been wrong. Maybe trying to right the inequity made the situation worse. I don’t know. All I know is it is inappropriate to spread blame for any situation. That is the factor of personal responsibility. When one reaches adulthood, one has to make choices. Sometimes they are good and sometimes they are less than good. We all have choices – no matter what our background. At 19, we often make unwise choices. I can only hope that wisdom results from the consequences of bad choices. 

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