Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The 3 C's - Having No Control Over Others

Lessons of Al Anon –The 3 C’s

As I’ve readily expressed I’ve been a grateful member of Al Anon for many years. My first meeting, in fact, was 10/15/1993. It is hard to believe it’s been nearly 19 years.

Many people come to Al Anon hoping the group will provide a solution to curing the alcoholic or alcoholics in their lives. However, we find the only solution to serenity lies within ourselves. We must focus on ourselves, work to change our own attitudes, and work towards self -knowledge and self-improvement.

One of the hardest lessons is learning to accept the 3 C’s. We did not cause the alcoholism; we cannot control the alcoholism; we cannot control the alcoholism.

It was, and is, in my nature to be a fixer. It did not make sense that I could not fix my loved one’s alcoholism.  At one point in my life, I thought it was my responsibility to fix somebody else’s problem.  I also morphed that concept of duty into other aspects of my life. That is why it became so critical that I accept the concept of the 3 C’s as a universal understanding.

To believe I have such a power over another person to exercise control over what he or she does or becomes is hubris. It is an inflated sense of self. Or, it is a belief if such insecurity that I would believe it when another blames me for his or her problems.

The fact is, I am powerless over other people, places and things with the exception of my own attitude. I have control over how I react to situations, comments by others, opinions, insults, praise, how I want to start my day.  This is a precious gift. By acknowledging I have no power, I also acknowledge I have no responsibility for the actions, words, decisions of others.

I celebrate the freedom in the gift of knowledge that it is not up to me or within my power to change another human being. Each of us has our own higher power. Thankfully, I’ve learned that valuable lesson.

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